Last week I mentioned I read a book about Raising Boys, by Steven Biddulph,

it's a fascinating read that helped me to prepare to raise a boy. So this week I'm reflecting on how to raise happy boys.  It's the girl's turn next week.

For me, I think the difference in girls and boys first hit me when my mother in law commented on my baby boy's need for closeness.  He would wind his fingers in my hair, sneak his head under my cardigan, push his toes in my pockets.  It was, my mother in law said, just as my husband had been as a baby, 'as if he wanted to be back in the womb'.

Now aged 3, throughout the day at regular intervals, he will come and find me, clamber on me or cuddle me, in order to charge his emotional batteries. Last weekend I returned from a weekend away, and while my daughter proceeded to bamboozle me with chat, my son jumped on me, gave me the hugest cuddle and once I had collapsed onto the sofa, attempted to put both his feet up my jumper and pull it over his body like a duvet.

For my son emotional bond is very physical, he needs to climb up, clamber over and cuddle us.  It makes perfect sense, having lived with a male for 13 years now, I should know this; whereas I like to talk to ignite our emotional bond, my husband favours physical closeness.  The language of 'male bonding' consists of bear hugs, thumps on the back, playful punches, hearty handshakes, and where boys are involved, playfighting and wrestling.

A good friend confided in me this week.  As the mum to the only boy in an antenatal class full of 'happy to sit and play nicely girls', she felt for a long time she had failed as a parent, until next time round some of her friends had boys, and she had a girl, and it became clear to all what a powerful difference there was.  I was quite smug as my daughter stayed put in her toddler music class, while my friend's son tore round and bounced off the walls, until I had a boy and I was the one doing the chasing.

So given there are differences in nature, what should we be doing to nurture happy boys?

I asked some fellow parent bloggers.

Jen from Mum in the Madhouse, mum to two wonderful boys, tweeted back 'boys are like dogs, lots of exercise, praise and good food. It is how I live my life with boys, lots of fresh air.'  Of course girls need the same things to thrive, but it's an analogy that seemed to strike a chord with many parents of boys I spoke to. My son definitely needs to let off steam more physically, and while he seems bold and boisterous, it's often a front, he generally needs lots more praise and encouragement in new situations than my daughter. There has been lots of research into how girls learn differently to boys, and as a teacher I have definitely seen it.

Jen also shared the importance of 'Strong male role models, Dads should lead by example.'  This is something Stephen Biddulph dedicates a chapter to. Charlotte from Fairies and Pirates added 'Praise, consistent discipline, reading with dad, letting them just be boys'. Rachel Ragg of Maid inYorkshire suggested 'Give them jobs. They are programmed to Do Stuff. Time them while they run in pointless circles/over obstacles'.

Andy from Dad's Cooking Tonight recommended 'Get involved with their leisure activities, sports, video games etc, it encourages conversation and involvement'.   When my daughter went to school, leaving just me and my son, I rapidly found my son asserting much more authority over what games we played.  At first I mourned the loss of some of the 'table top' type activities which my daughter and I had 'naturally' preferred, but now I relish chasing round on swashbuckling pirate adventures.  And so does my daughter, when she comes home.  We've learnt to appreciate each other's natural preferences.

But that's not to say I let my children get away with stereotypical boy activities, my son is equally happy to play with dolls and it's very important to me that he learns nurturing skills.  Cathy from Nurture Store, suggested 'Let them enjoy a broad range of play including dressing up, playing with dolls, arts and crafts, great for language and emotions'. Great advice, and you'd think in this day and age we would be doing that with boys automatically, but I don't think we are.  I couldn't believe the amount of attention my 3yo son received the day he pushed the toy pram into the playground at his sister's school.

My son was complaining about the loss of a toy this week.  At first I thought he was saying 'pah pah' and referring to the awful plastic gun he managed to beg off an older boy last week (On that front I would say you can't avoid them forever, they'll just find a stick instead, but you can limit them, and provide non violent distractions) but no, he was saying 'tee ah pah', eventually I worked out he meant 'tiara'.  Yep he wanted to play princesses with his sister, who depsite all my attempts to raise a tomboy has now rebelled, and is throughly embracing pink. More on girls next week.

What works for you and your boy/s?  What hopes do you have for your boy-to-be?