What is it about Gwyneth Paltrow that sticks in the throat?

Is it the Renaissance woman smugness: Oscar winner! Earth mama! Lifestyle guru! Domestic goddess!  The glacial, prom queen sheen?

Or are we ever so slightly jealous that at 40 with two kids she's gone from macrobiotic string bean to uber hottie with the likes of Madonna and Beyonce on speed dial?

Whatever it is, she sure can grate (why of course, she's got her own cookbook!).  Now she's managed to whip both the right wing press and lefty elements of the blogosphere into a veritable soufflé.

'Gwyneth Paltrow leads Hollywood women back to the kitchen sink,' bleats the Telegraph.

'Marriage guidance from Gwyneth Paltrow, that's all we need!' froths the Daily Mail (Daily Mail? Are you kidding me?).

Gwyneth has entered the Mommy Wars, announces ABC News grimly.

Holy Manolos, Mrs Martin, you've trodden in it this time.

So what did Gwynnie actually say?

Here's the quote taken from a forthcoming interview with Paltrow in Harper's Bazaar, in which Gwyneth gives advice to a friend:

'She is an actress and in a new relationship with someone else with a big career, and I said this may not be feminist, but you have to compromise. It's been all about you and you're a big deal. And if you want what you're saying you want—a family—you have to be a wife, and that is part of the equation. Gloria Steinem may string me up by my toes, but all I can do is my best, and I can do only what works for me and my family."

So basically she's advising a Hollywood big shot to quit the spotlight for a bit and learn to compromise for the sake of starting a family.

Is it really so awful?

Taken out of context, it's easy (and dare I say, enjoyable) to take a pop at Gwynnie for preaching to the unwashed from her celebrity bubble.

On www.babble.com, the web site for a 'new generation of parents', bloggers were quick to call her hypocritical and out of touch.

'For Paltrow to suggest that married women must never leave the hearth in order to make their relationships last is irresponsible,' says Carolyn Castiglia.

'Really Gwyneth, do I HAVE TO “be a wife” and put him first, like you told your friend she had to if she wanted a family? What about actual compromise... ?' bristles Tracey Gaughran-Perez.

GOOPs, she's done it again. Or are we falling into the 'mums at war' trap?

I'd like to believe that the so-called 'Mommy Wars' was a construct of The Man to keep women at each other's throats. But we're often our own worst enemies. Until you have kids, you don't realise just how much judgement will be heaped on you from all sides - much of it from other mums.

It's like we can't put a foot one way or the other without being told we're failing our families (working mums) or letting the side down (stay-at-home mums) or a mix of both (work-at-home mums).  As an at-home mum, I'm irked by the idea that prioritising your family over ambitions outside the home makes you either more of a wife/mother or less of a feminist.

Gwyneth is almost apologising to Gloria Steinem for her choices - but I thought the whole thrust of feminism was to empower us to define our own roles.

Putting your family first does not have to mean sacrificing yourself on the altar of motherhood. Most at-home mums I know are hardly handcuffed to the kitchen sink and we can plainly see Gwyneth isn't either.  Unfortunately society barely supports mums who work and devalues the role of childcare in the home, so many of us do struggle to achieve a happy balance.

Frankly, I'm more irritated by the observation of Gwyneth falling 'naturally into yoga stretches' during her interview (get over yourself, Bendy) than by anything she said about married life in a conversation to a friend.

Here's what she said that really hit home:

'All I can do is my best, and I can do only what works for me and my family.'

That's really all any of us can do.

If Gwyneth makes what works look a little too easy, well she's in the business of selling dreams. Don't hate the player, hate the game.

Are you happy with the compromises you have made to have a marriage/family? What kind of advice would you give a single pal?

Uju - Founder and Babe-in-chief

http://babesabouttown.com